Back up Again

    Are you feeling drifting through the questions of your own self? Maybe, feeling tired of taking all the opportunities life has offered? Wandering through time and space and just wanting a perfect place in where you can start all the things you loved and enjoying the scenery of making the life of yours as perfect as possible with the audacity of showing it to everyone, eagerly desiring to show YOU, regardless of the eyes of the crowd's verdicts? But, in the reality, still cannot fit yourself in their own tastes and likes, ending up hearing words of "you should be like this", "act like this", "you are not good enough" and the most painful of all, "if only you were like him/her, ...". Those comparisons, unconstructive comments, unhealthy statements are really havoc to the extremities of your origin about the definition of your own self and undoubtedly makes you question the existence of your being, beginning to destroy all the notions and the basis of your established confidence, eradicating the entirety of your own interpretation about the things you have become in life because of one single moment.

    And then, they say words intently or maybe carelessly and insensitively enough to meditate about the effect of it, but since you are intelligent, and somehow managed to know the connotation of its underlying meaning, it hurts you inside, eating all your self-esteem, and then a blink of a moment, finding yourself chained and trapped on your self-pity condition, without anybody helping you to get out. In agony and pain, you find yourself degrading, out of thoughts, negatively blaming yourself because of what happened. "Where did I go wrong?", "It is my fault", and "Never will I open my heart again, it's enough".

    Eventually, the evening comes with a little hope you have gotten, coping with the changes you experienced and trying to mend the brokenness you have. You are asking God on why did it happen or maybe, blaming yourself and crying all over again. You did not even manage to think rationally, and the emotional part of your humanity is at stake. 

  Nevertheless, you have partaken to the decision of seeing it as growth and development. You wholeheartedly dissolved all the pride left in your heart and accepted all the criticisms that should be to complete your well-being. You have become stronger like a bamboo swaying amidst in the strong winds and standing still, hoping to the surpassing form of self-love and self-improvement. You forgive just as Christ Jesus has forgiven you. 

    And here you are, stout and proud, smiling and perfectly aligning yourself to the main focus and goal you have within, which is from self and then to the community around, not sacrificing your dreams of goodness and love but paving its way, from selfishness to selflessness. 

    Alas, you did it! You started to realize things. You are a resilient person with a big heart! You never allowed yourself to be swollen up by life's struggles. Instead, you made a great impact on who you are. Yet, they never knew and will never know, but you are amazing, a pure soul in this ill world, and an image worth hailing.

    As to what Nichole Scherzinger said and yet you believed,

   “You cry and you scream and you stomp your feet and you shout. You say, ‘You know what? I’m giving up, I don’t care.’ And then you go to bed and you wake up and it’s a brand new day, and you pick yourself back up again.”